I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
