I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
