Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you guys were way drunker than both of me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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