Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
