I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
