Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
