sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
