I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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