I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
it hurts more in the daytime
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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