Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
