Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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