you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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