she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
