Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
