what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
