if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
