in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
operation have a gay friend backfired
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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