he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
