god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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