She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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