Someone shit on the floor
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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