Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
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