im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
