If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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