My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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