I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
