I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
