good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
