Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
