i don't like sucking hair
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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