I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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