Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
