epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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