i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
