At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
