I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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