Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
