Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
