You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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