She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
