FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
