every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
