I faked an abortion last night.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
