please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
