i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
