If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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