the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
