took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The police scanner is talking about you again....
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
