if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
