People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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