And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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