I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
