I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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