Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
